Ode to Dennis

Like monkeys given infinite time and typewriters eventually writing the complete works of Shakespeare, my dumb ass has somehow created a blog that has an exponentially higher ad rank than my friend Dennis.

According to him, I am living proof that Google’s ad ranking algorithms are deeply flawed. I don’t even know what an algorithm is. Dennis is an internet junkie, knows everything about Google and spends hours on his blog writing entries about random products for extra money and yet somehow his ad rank is lower than mine. He can’t figure it out. I haven’t posted in months and two people, maybe three, link to my blog while Dennis posts regularly and 60-80 people link to his. So he offered me five bucks to write a blog entry about him and to create a couple of links to him.

So in full disclosure to all my loyal readers (all two of you), I am being compensated for this entry. I guess he gets more for his pay-per-post entries if his ad rank improves and one way his ad rank can improve is if a blog with a higher ad rank links to his. Its all in the algortithm. Algorithm. Uh yeah.

Also, because one reason people hit his blog is because he has entries about Rachael Ray (apparently hating Rachael Ray is a big internet phenomenon). If I add a link to his Rachael Ray entry that will really help. I don’t hate Rachael Ray though. She’s overly perky and probably has more success and exposure than her raw talent really justifies but I’m not going to hate on her hustle.

I was also going to turn this into a creative writing opportunity to write about Dennis but I’ve met my two-link obligation. I will just say that Dennis is one of my best friends, he’s really smart, really bald, really funny and I’ve known him since our fat-awkward eigth-grade days at Hunter. He’s also quite the salsa dancer. All you hot ladies religiously reading my blog, get at him. He’s in business school too. Word.