Santa Baby...

One of the nice things about doing 7ARTS is that I get to try new things I writing that I’ve never done. Even though I’m an “artist” by training I learn new things about myself all the time doing the writing stuff alongside the students. Don had us free write a letter to Santa and I just bugged out, taking off from a joke that Dennis and I used to make that shutting down Christmas might be the best way to really start the revolution based on the amount of sales that retailers depend on in the holiday season. I was shocked to learn how much retailers’ success/failure in the year is really determined by this intense one-month period. So I went off and had some fun bitching out Santa:

Dear Santa,

How ya doin? I know you don’t exist. In fact, when I was in church, my youth pastor used to call you “Satan Claus,” I earnestly asked him if you were a demonic manifestation.

You are all that is wrong with American capitalism and the politics of consumer consumption. There are protesters throwing rocks at World Trade Organization meetings, the International Monetary Fund. Those cats have it all wrong. YOU’RE the problem, in your furry red coat with your cherub cheeks and gleeful smile. You are capitalist oppression at its absolute worst. What kind of working conditions do you have those elves in anyway? Are they union? When was the last time your factories were audited? Do they get a living wage? Fuck Wal-Mart, you make them look like a benevolent ruler.

We bring you down, we bring down capitalism, ushering in a new Marxist utopia. Stores would shut down; factories would cease operations-the ripple effects throughout our global interdependent economy would bring commerce to a screeching halt. Che had it all wrong trying train guerillas to overthrow two-bit South American and African dictators. He should have had his eyes set on the North Pole. Though with your elves, abominable snowman and harsh climates, you may have coup-proofed yourself better than Saddam Hussein. Or is it CIA money that funds your operation? Crack in the inner cities, overthrowing democratically elected socialist leaders, and you, forcing us to buy shit that we don’t even need. It all fits. Or maybe you’re NSA, secretly wiretapping us to find out who’s been naughty or nice. Maybe its Halliburton, is Dick Chency on your board?

All I know Kris Kringle is that I’m on to you. I’m on to you.

Sincerely,

Jason

PS Can you hook me up with a digital camera this year?